My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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