you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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