Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
