it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
