Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
