if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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