Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
