At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
