I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
