Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can text with my tongue
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
