If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
