WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
