At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pappa wants mamma naked
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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