Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
