it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize