i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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