we have pet lesbian snakes
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
