I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
PANTIES FOUND
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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