My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
