Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He has the fingertips of a God
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