I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Still dying that you shit outside
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
