If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
