Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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