Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
