dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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