On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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