i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
