Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
