I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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