last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
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she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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