dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
