Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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