I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
