I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Verdict: uncircumcised.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
