If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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