Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
