He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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