Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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