i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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