I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
