either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
