So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
