I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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