The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
PS: I just woke up from my shower
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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