the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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