I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The adults are the big ones right?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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