I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
