My first STD was from a foam party
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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