I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Two words: nipple clamps
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