I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
