i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
