I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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