i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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