I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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