It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
