I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
