You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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