She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is Oprah even human
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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