i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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